Karaoke

Taken into context, it's not a bad thing. But when you start to pick it apart, it gets so depressing.You peel back all the layers and get down to the inside. But sometimes you lose sight of what you were trying to find. It's that sort of thing that makes you think too much. That sort of thing that makes you lose all your objectivity.

So, if you made it. Just be glad you did and stay there. If you ever feel loved and needed, consider yourself as one of the lucky ones. And if it is over, remember that it was bound to happen. So just keep moving on, there are no perfect endings.

Awkward.

"Yes or No, iinom ako" - Mario Narciso A. Marcelo 2012

Well, I can honestly say I have never felt so nervous as I am right now. To a point that I'm constrained to blogger to express my emotions, since she can see me in twitter and in facebook. Now, you might ask me why I'm posting online if I don't want other people to see. Well, to answer that, I don't really think anyone would read this. I just like to write to relieve my feelings. I write when I'm sad, depressed, or angry. I create my stories, little movies in my head, or heart-wrenching one-liners. However, as of right now, I'm writing for different purposes. I remember one close friend telling me that "sometimes we find that the meaning of writing is opposite of what we intend." As this is the case, where i don't write because of any ill torment or evil, rather I think i'm writing for something lighter. Anxiety. Well technically anxiety is something bad, but the way I look at it, it's something bitter-sweet. A marriage between hope and dread, a melding of expectation and renunciation, the being of one of happiness and regret. Sort of like asking someone out for the first time.........yup, exactly like that.

P.s.
My my, blogger has changed a lot. I am confused. hahaha

"Well, this is awkward."

Phone rings at 1:42 a.m.

I wake up and answer the phone.

"Is this RC Marcelo?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, who is this?" I say while trying to hear a reply from the other side; the song Moves like Jagger in the background.

"RC you are a very nice person. I think it's time you should be nice to yourself."

"Um, thank you. Can you please tell me your name?" I ask.

"My name is Ken."

"And how do I know you exactly?"

"Because you're a really nice person."

"Oh, okay."

"RC."

"Yes?"

"Remember what I told you." He replies ominously.

He hangs up the phone. I look at the clock. 1:45 a.m. I check to see if I'm still dreaming. I'm not. I lie down, unable to sleep.

~~~~

This is a true story. Honestly, it must sound self-indulgent to you, but I assure you that this really happened. An insightful and memorable anecdote I will carry in my life. Though, I must say, this does creep me out a bit. Whoever was responsible for this, I know had good intentions, but the delivery was too mysterious and enigmatic for my sensibilities. I'm very fond of Haruki Murakami stories, and this strange occurrence seemed like it would fit into one of them. A mysterious phone call, a distant yet very familiar caller, a curt ending, and an insightful message (See Wind-up Bird Chronicle). After going through that experience, I find myself unable to sleep. This random event bemuses me, and I find myself lost in thought. So I write to entice sleep, hopefully I'll reach that objective. I guess my thoughts can be saved for a later post, for now I write only to post a marker, or maybe even a will. That this proves my intuition, my precognition of what might happen to me in the near future, as I may end up like a protagonist in a Murakami story. I might see an elephant vanish, or maybe meet a previous love, or maybe get lost in greece, or maybe rob a McDonalds, or find the 100% perfect person, or eat some sharpie cakes, or maybe just end up waiting for something extraordinary to happen yet end up living an objectively normal life. Maybe I should just stop thinking too much about things. That seems about right. Goodnight then :)

Advice

"So don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

-From God to Tatang to me.

Thanks.

Post Script.

It was fun while it lasted. I just didn't like how this blog started to evolve into, so much so, that I decided to just end it. A blog is somewhere a person can say whatever they want, share whatever they feel, and dream whatever they want to dream. A blog becomes the very representation of the owner, and as of now, I don't like it one bit. I guess it's time to either wallow or to trudge on through. Time for another chapter, time to turn to the next page. There are times when trying to start anew means leaving things behind. I think I'll leave this blog with one of the most inspiring poems I have ever had the pleasure to be read to.

Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that does fade,
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell:
Ding-dong,
Hark! Now I hear them – Ding-dong, bell.

A song from William Shakespeare's "The Tempest". An enigmatic yet moving piece that glorifies the joys of things past, only because those times are to remain absolutely in the past.


I guess a blog per year would be a just compensation, though it troubles me that I have to think of another witty title every year.

If any of you want to still follow me, head on over to Zensai, a lifestyle blog, I guess, something with a much happier and relieving tone than this blog, and also to the fictional In The Sun.

God bless and Goodbye.

Just By Living.

I feel so light right now. However, It's not because of the absence of problems. It's just that I know now how to solve them. It takes a lot off of your shoulder. It takes a simple conversation from a friend, a browse through past memories, and an unexpected catalyst, to achieve an understanding you've been longing for weeks now. The world is truly an amazing place, when you do nothing yet achieve everything.

I promised to be honest in this blog when I first made this, but please bear with me now for my vagueness, there are things you just have to keep. There's a fine fine line between honesty and tactlessness.

A friend of mine was relating a realization. His realization caught me, and somehow, everything just became clear. Weeks upon weeks of feeling lost, a torrent of emotions just furiously beating within myself, a simple thought is enough to reverberate in myself to make everything calm again. It's funny how something normal led to this. Well it's not normal in a sense, his way of writing is very good, and also his choice in music :D. the thing is though, it's normal how people just tend to look for answers themselves. The miraculous part is how something as self-reflection actually helps the people around you. I guess human beings really are relational beings.

The answer, though clear, is going to be hard. As you say, nobody said it was easy. Well, I'm sure, I would be able to make it. If I can't by myself, I have my friends to help me halfway.

I read my first post and I found some mistakes I would like to correct, just before I sign off. I wouldn't want to leave my blog with untreated wounds. Though I really wouldn't care to proof-read

The Year 2010 in Music.

Before I acknowledge that 2010 has already finished, I still catch myself writing down the date as Jan 2010, I'd like to look back at this year. A lot of things happened, up ups and down downs, I remember calling those days fleeting, but when I look at the year as a whole, the events that happened seem to oppose that. Anyway, I figured I wanted to summarize my year, and what better way, and definitely easier, to do it with songs! I love music, and I make it a part of my everyday life. I'm sure at least one of you has seen me suddenly bursting out, quite irritatingly, into song. I have this weird habit of trying to match songs into my life, and most often they do. I also have this annoying habit when I get stuck onto a song for a LONG time. I'm sure I've pissed of people by playing the same goddamn song over and over again. So this is my collection, per month, of songs, songs that get stuck in my head, songs that move my heart, songs that describe, who, what, where, how of my life in 2010. I don't expect you to listen to all, though it would be a treat if you do, I fancy myself as having an ear for music, but at least listen to some, especially those that you have never listened to. I hope some of these songs pop into your 2011.